Sigh. I just don't get it. I wasn't looking for anyone. I was content getting to a happy place without anybody. Then he comes along out of nowhere and changes my plan for awhile. Not for too long, but long enough to be upset about the outcome. I don't understand why I always pick the ones that need their heads cleared. It's bothersome that I'm attracted to people who I don't need in my life to confuse it more.

So yes. Broken up with. When I had no expectations about having a boyfriend in a long ass time. And I'm not going to lie, it hurts. Not so much anymore, as it happened Wednesday and it was so short-lived.

I didn't even get a chance to get to know him.


But, this tells me something. I needn't bother with boys. Not right now at least.

Spring break 2k7!

Gossip

So it seems that this whole ex-boyfriend debacle is the new topic of discussion in this little town of mine. Everyone, understandably, wants to know whats going on and why somebody was trying to fight a friend. But it's taking a toll on my spirit. I already have enough to worry about with trying not to fail all of my classes and trying to make some money at work without having to hear people I've never met talk about the entire episode.

It's making my head hurt, honestly.

I still can't believe that it happened. And I'm sure everyone is curious. I would be too. But its been days and I can't handle listening anymore.

Not to mention he keeps calling me to talk things through. When there is nothing to talk about. He's making me apprehensive.

I may have to change my phone number. Holy Jesus.

On a peppier note, Spring break is approaching. And I'm stoooooked.

I need to smoke sometime in the near future. I'm edgy as shit.

Throwing punches.

Man oh man. I'm about to do alot of writing. This story can be pretty riveting, or least that's what I've heard. So this is my life. Hope it's as entertaining for you as it is to everyone else. Sheesh.

Saturday night I went out to watch some friend's bands play downtown. I knew that the ex was going to be there. And I braced myself. I said hi to him. I was polite. Later on, the new boy comes to the show after work. We're standing around and out of nowhere, the ex wipes a snot rocket on my jacket. Shocked and annoyed I went to the bathroom to clean up. And while I'm gone, Ryan (yay) confronts Jeff (nay) and tells him he should apologize and that's no way to treat anyone, even an ex girlfriend. Jeff doesn't know who Ryan is, so he says things like "you don't even know about us, you don't know what she's done to me, etc." Ryan ends up walking away as he can tell nothing is getting through to Jeff.

Jeff is stupid drunk at this point. And walks up to me a few minutes later, gets in my face, calls me a peice of shit, yells at me asking if this is my new boyfriend, and then proceeds to try and throw a punch at Ryan. Ridiculous. So, people stop him and get in the way. Friends of both Ryan and I.

The night continues being awkward. I can see Jeff scowling. So we leave. And he follows us out. And again tried to pick a fight with Ryan. Flailing his arms, a friend stepped in. And punched him. And Jeff still would not let up. He ended up leaving because some cops drove past. INSANE.

I did nothing to provoke this. I can't believe this happened to me. I would never have thought a year ago that this person I cared about so much could behave in this manner. If you are heartbroken, beer and whiskey is probably a bad idea.

Now, it feels like high school. Because the ex's "buddies" (whom I always liked) are threatening the beau's friends. The ones that intervened because some idiot was getting in a girl's face. I just don't know what to do. I'm in the middle of this scenario, trying not to freak out and punch someone myself.

I am just stunned. If you cannot conduct yourself appropriately in public, you shouldn't go out. Simple as that.

I don't know what to do.


And I need to make this bloggy prettier than it is.

Zelda

I'm sitting here watching Ryan play Zelda. I can't help but be amused by it. He's a wolf, apparently. He used to be a human until he got sucked into this level (or something) and now he's a wolf.

And after reading my last post, he informed me that neither I (nor he for that matter) is a "generation x-er".

I was way off.

I'm feeling much better. I talked to some people and they just listened and made suggestions about what I need to do to feel better about my situation. Sigh. I feel so weakened by all this. Like I might not be able to come out triumphant. I will try to endure. But it's definitely going to take a toll.

Last week I got started on the anchor tattoo on the right side of my torso. It's large. And in charge. In a week or two I'm getting it colored in. I'm sooooo psyched about it. I've been wanting to get this done, something for my grandparents, forever. And I never realized that loving people so much could hurt that bad. But they're with me until I'm with them again one day. Now, literally. And I couldn't be happier. (Pictures soon.)

I suppose I have to start living again tomorrow. School and work. Back in full force. And it's pretty depressing. But I have to stay motivated. Or else I'm headed for another breakdown. Geez Louise.

Noteworthy : Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out July 21. I'm counting down the days.

And 300 comes out a week from tomorrow. Cream my jeans.

Love to Miss Amber
who always makes me smile.

Have a lovely weekend.

Breaking point.

Sometimes I feel like I just need to vent all my frustrations. And the interweb has allowed this generation x-er to do just that.

I'm at the breaking point. I'm taking 3 classes right now. In the hopes of transferring to the University of Pittsburgh by next Spring. And yesterday, I cried in the middle of taking a math test. Because as much as I thought I knew what I was doing, when I sat down and stared at the problems for 10 minutes, I had no clue. So the tears started welling. And I lost it for a moment.

This never happens to me. For the longest time I've kept control of my surroundings. School, work, my family. I can handle it all. Perhaps not always gracefully. But it never makes me panic. I never feel overwhelmed.

Until now. Geology and math are killing me. I've been sick. And with the recent snowy weather, trying to catch up with all my assignments? Just isn't happening. I spent 8 hours at school Monday. Doing so so much work. And to cry the next day because I forgot how to do some equations? Not my style in the slightest.

So there's that.

This sickness? It's driving me fucking crazy. I've been pretty unhealthy the last few months. Drugs and alcohol don't help, I know this. And I've been doing better with those vices as of late. But it's the second time in 3 months that I've taken ill. And it's really bugging me. My face is hideous from the constant blowing of my nose. Not to mention my eyes are still pink.

There's that.

I've finally realized that the reason I've been so downtrodden the last few days is because I'm stressing myself out. If I need to, I will take one class at a time. I'm not a good student. And I want to move to Pittsburgh more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. And the only way I can live there and prosper and become an adult and find a career is if I go to school there. And I'm not seeing it in my immediate future. And this makes me even more upset.

AND. This new boyfriend? He is lovely. Lovely lovely lovely. And very unexpected. And I'm worried. Worried because I most definitely want him in my life. But he's a distraction. I find myself making my way back into the mold I used to fit in with the ex. I blow things off to spend time with him. And it's pissing me off. I should know better. I should think with my head and not my heart. And it's still so new. And exciting. But now I'm in no mood to be around anyone. And it dawned on me today that I don't even act like myself around him. The last 6 months have shaped me so much. I've made so many new friends and experienced so many new things and listened to so much new music and watched so many new movies. All inspirational and it fills my heart to the brim.

But I'm so consumed with this apprehension that I can't relax and focus. And if I give myself a break, it's never a smart move. Because I'll be motivated and stressed. And then I'll go out for the night. And feel like shit the next day.

All I wanted when I was in the old relationship was to be out of it. To be young and might I even say, careless. At least for a period of time. And I had fun. And I'm still having fun. But I can't find the line to draw. I can't tell myself to stop hanging out or stop making plans. I can't. I don't know how. All I wanted was to do this and now that I'm doing this, it's making me anxious and concerned all the time. I don't know where my priorities are.

And for a little bit, I thought pot was helping. I thought that if I needed to calm down, all I needed to do was spark up a joint and hang out with my dudes and be fancy-free. And I love that feeling. But its getting in the way of so much more than it should.


Whew. Stream of conscienceness, kind of. But man it feels good just to type that all out.



Damn. I just want to be Molly again. I haven't felt like her in a long long time.

Pinky.

I don't know why I feel the need to create a new blog every so often. I have about a million of them. I suppose it is because of the lovely Miss Amber. She writes religiously about her life and her family and what she loves. Her latest post is about inspiration. And I suppose that's why I felt like creating this. I was inspired.

I do have my own blog but, unfortunately the comments don't work. And its hard to want to keep blogging if you have no feedback about anything you've written. That's half the fun.

Check it out if you like but don't leave comments...cause you CAN'T!

A Different City

Hopefully in time I will make this one pretty.

However I fear that shan't be done anytime soon. I have pink eye.

AHHHH!

I hate hate hate being unhealthy. My eyes are achy and too swollen to spend too much time on here this evening.

But I'll leave you a little about me I suppose.

I am Molly. I live in a not-so-bustling metropolis called Dayton, Ohio. There's this weird pride that comes from people that were born and raised in this shit town. And I have it.

I'm 20. I go to community college. I'm failing math, AGAIN. I plan to move to Pittsburgh within the year to further my studies. I love it there. So much.

I'm a sever at a fancy shmancy restaurant in the more wealthier part of town. Madison's Bistro. I love my job and the people I work with. I'll probably talk about them alot.

I have a boyfriend. Which is weird calling him that. Because it's been a little less than a month ago I met and hung out with him for the first time. Ryan. He's very reserved and doesn't like PDA. Which, for me, is aggravating. Because he's damn cute. But he's kind and warm and I enjoy him very much.

I live with my dad, brother and stepfamily. I'm never home (for a reason).

Talkative, most definitely. Maybe even vivacious. I hope I will have something more clever to say in the time to come.